The Ultimate Caregiver Gift Guide and the One Thing You Should Never Do

One in five Americans (or 21.5%) cares for another adult or child with special needs.

You probably know one of these family caregivers. You may want to help make the tough job of caregiving a little easier. A gift is a lovely way to do that. But kindness doesn’t always have to come in a box. Here are suggestions for splendid gifts for caregivers and the one thing to avoid at all costs.

Great Gift Ideas for Caregivers

Your Understanding: There is no gift more valued than this.

Let me paint a picture. This caregiver is likely working a full-time job and may also take care of children. This caregiver may experience stress, financial strain, and not have the time or energy to take good care of themselves. This caregiver has a to-do list 10 miles long. Fun has left the building.

This is where understanding comes in. Perhaps this caregiver forgot to wish you a happy birthday. Maybe they had to cancel plans at the last minute. Possibly the caregiver cannot volunteer for a classroom project or forgets to bring a dish to the potluck.

Despite spending a lot of their time doing good for others, caregivers can still feel a good bit of guilt. Truly, the kindest thing you can do is to be understanding of the caregiver’s situation. Avoid holding a grudge. Don’t admonish. Instead, be joyful when the caregiver can take part in an activity. I guarantee this will mean the world to a caregiver.

Patient Cheer: This may seem counterintuitive because we’re talking about caring for caregivers. But, your attentiveness to the person whom they’re caring for means much.

Caregivers spend a good deal of time devoted to the administration of care–transportation to and from doctor appointments, mapping out pill schedules, navigating health insurance claims. These responsibilities don’t leave room for much else.

When I was caregiver to my husband, who was waiting for an organ transplant, my cousin regularly called him to check in. Sometimes friends would send him notes or text silly memes. It put a smile on his face and made a strenuous day easier. It also gave both of us something to talk about at the dinner table besides health-related stuff.

Cards: A card is a hug in an envelope.

Cards function as room decoration and a repeat source of joy. Cards let the caregiver know they’re being thought of with love. Any card will do — funny cards, heartfelt cards, or blank cards with a lovely picture and a hand-written message. All are wonderful.

The other thing about a card is that it doesn’t require a response, whereas a text or email makes a caregiver feel they have to get back to the sender.

And: Isn’t it always nice to get something in the mail that isn’t a bill?

Little Comforts: If you’d like to give a gift, how about sending a box bearing simple pleasures?

The caregiver spends a great deal of time devoted to the comfort of others. They rarely have time to spend on themselves. Gifts such as tea or a lovely smelling candle offer a welcome little escape. Other ideas include a bottle of wine or a comfortable blanket.

If you’re stumped on ideas, put yourself in the caregiver’s shoes: At the end of a long day, what do you appreciate doing or having. There is a very good chance the caregiver feels the same.

Targeted Help: Offer to do something specific for the caregiver to help them, either on a onetime or ongoing basis.

Ideas include:

• Shovel a caregiver’s walkway and/or driveway.
• Text a caregiver that you’re going to the store and ask what they’d like you to pick up for them.
• Drop off their kids at home after the game.
• Take the caregiver’s dog on a walk or bring the pooch with you to the dog park.

While the caregiver might decline, that you even offered is a big deal.

Give with Caution

“Experience” Gifts: These are things such as a gift card for a massage or manicure, or a gift certificate to the caregiver’s favorite restaurant.

These are gestures intended to help caregivers relax and do things they enjoy. This is very thoughtful of you. The problem is that it’s very possible the caregiver cannot take advantage of your generosity. Doing so might require the caregiver to find someone else to stay home with the patient or take additional time off of work. If that’s the case, seeing that lovely gift certificate languish at the bottom of the kitchen utility drawer becomes something that sparks sadness rather than joy.

Flowers: Flowers are an absolutely lovely gesture. The problem is that doctors sometimes prohibit flowers and plants because of a patient’s medical condition. If you’re familiar with the caregiver’s situation, and believe this would be welcome, send. If you are unsure, a pop-up paper bouquet can be a pleasant alternative to fresh flowers.

Food: Food, like flowers, can be tricky. The patient might be on a restrictive diet. This puts the caregiver in the unpleasant situation of having to eat delicious food in front of a person who can’t enjoy any. Further, the caregiver is still on the hook to cook dinner.

If you’re not sure of the situation, send a gift card to somewhere that offers a lot of different options, such as GrubHub or DoorDash. Even if those food choices are still not a fit for the patient, this offer the caregiver flexibility. Perhaps they can treat themselves to a special meal or use the gift card to feed kids yearning for a special treat. The absolute worst-case scenario is that the caregiver can re-gift your generosity next time they need an emergency birthday or holiday gift.

Several popular websites allow people to sign up to make and bring meals to caregiver and family. Please do not sign up for one of these services without first speaking directly with the caregiver. I have witnessed several times where this kind act turned dreadful for the caregiver. Kindhearted souls made food that triggered allergic reactions, or the children absolutely loathed. Still other good-natured cooks dropped by unannounced and brought their germs along with them. The worst were the meal providers, who insisted on getting their dishes washed and returned immediately. (Presumably they are unfamiliar with disposable containers and those large aluminum pans available at the dollar store.)

The One Thing To Avoid

There is really only one thing you should never do, and it is utter this phrase to a caregiver:

“Let me know if you need something.”

Many people say this reflexively. They want to do something good, but they don’t want to do something wrong. They feel paralyzed. Saying “let me know if you need something” (perhaps even adding a “thoughts and prayers” for good measure) feels better than not doing anything at all.

Some others–a tiny minority–recognize this phrase for what it is: a way to avoid responsibility while still being seen to care.

Let it be said that anything you do is better than nothing. The caregiver will sincerely appreciate any gesture, even one that may slightly miss the mark.

By reading this far in the article, it is quite clear that you are an amazingly kind soul. May these tips offer useful ways for that heart of gold of yours to shine.

Did You Know: November is National Family Caregivers Month. #CaregiverAnd

About the Writer: TJ Condon is the author of the 2021 Today’s Caregiver Friendly Award-winning book, Some Assembly Required: A True Story of Love an Organ Transplants. She enjoys giving caregivers support and belly laughs.